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The Past 18 months...
I have not posted in about 18 months and change. I considered posting a long, detailed explanation, but that would have aggravated me.
So, I have described it, instead, in rhyme! I have taken some liberties with details; however, this pretty well covers my past year and a half.
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Posted by geekmom on Wednesday, August 11 @ 19:15:06 CDT (21 reads)
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Too Busy to be Here
I have been away for a while, due to the collapse of my business, my desperate (and futile) search for clients, my desperate search for ANY work, and most recently, my desperate attempt to keep the job I lucked into (and keep it from driving me mental).
I have turned off comments, as it appears my blog has become a spam farm. NOBODY will be able to comment until I get this resolved, and maybe not even then if I can't keep it from happening.
We'll see how it goes as it goes. Now, I have to get D and work on changing clothes around, starting my laundry and folding and putting up her clothes.
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Posted by geekmom on Sunday, August 08 @ 14:16:06 CDT (17 reads)
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GOAM and the absolutely no-good day
Hrrrg. I should have stayed in bed today. I felt out of sorts and considered it; I should have gone for it. I actually did okay until I had to pick up Dee.
She had yet another note from teacher (she's batting 1000 for the week) about her behavior, so she was grounded to her room again.
Her dance class was moved but I could not remember if it was to 12:15 or 2:15 and could not get a hold of the teacher until 12:00, so of course it was at 12:15.
We took off for the class and of course I got pulled over for speeding and of course the wrong insurance card was in the van, so I got a ticket. Then we get to the class, and she'd left her dance bag at the house (which I didn't notice because we were late), so we had to turn around and go home. At this point, I bailed on the class, because I was in no frame of mind to go out again.
We came home amid much fussing, and she went back to her room while I tried to do some more work. Actually, I was trying to line up work and get assignments from existing clients, so that maybe I could bring in enough business that my husband doesn't have to work at retail hell to make ends meet, but I digress.
I spent an hour on the phone with a client getting a work assignment and went to check on Dee, only to find her room empty. I checked the bathroom and found Dee's clothes, but no Dee. I checked the bedroom and other bathroom, and then the living room. No Dee. Looking at the front door, I noticed that it wasn't locked.
Fuck.
So I tear around the house yelling for Dee and looking in all the corners and crevices where she is wont to lie down and go to sleep. After five or six minutes, I start tearing the house apart from front to back, yelling for Dee.
When I hit the main bedroom, I notice a little tuft of hair. The little #$@!! had curled up in a ball about the size of a beachball and burrowed under the blankets, looking for all the world like there was no one in the bed.
Having determined that she was not running around naked outside somewhere, and having officially expended the last of my stress tolerance, I went to the kitchen, had two sodas and half a bottle of salsa.
It's not the healthiest thing, but the fire in my stomach takes my mind off of other issues.
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Posted by geekmom on Thursday, January 22 @ 09:16:30 CST (328 reads)
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Happy New Year
As part of my goals for 2009, I am going to get back to blogging.
It has been MONTHS since I posted, and here we are in 2009 with Dee going back to kindergarten tomorrow. She says that she doesn't want to go to school, but it's more accurate that she doesn't want to get up in the morning. She's been doing well at school (with a few minor incidents), and I will be blogging later about past and othe events.
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Posted by geekmom on Sunday, January 04 @ 12:22:26 CST (267 reads)
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Yah, this is fun.
I'd like to say that the past three months have been very, very busy for me and that things are going fairly well in the business, but the truth is, I have not had the work I expected and I have been fighting a bit of depression. Not the soul-crushing "I have no reason to live" swerve-into-oncoming-traffic depression, but that insidious stuck-in-wet-cement sad kind of feeling that "for everything I do right, I'm just going to screw it up in the long run, so I might as well do nothing" depression. Needless to say, this makes for poor motivation, and I have been having trouble sleeping at night. I go to bed, and I just lie there with the budget and what I should do and what I have done chasing each other around in my head.
I could blame it on the weather or the fact that I've been at this for over a year without the kind of success that I expected or I could even blame it on the fact that my daughter has taken to really effectively guilt-tripping hubby and I over working instead of playing with her. Fact is, it could be all of that... and it could be for no real damn reason at all other than my effing brain chemistry is out of balance again. "Why" doesn't matter. "Figuring out why" is just another thing to drive around in the demolition derby inside my skull at night.
I'm feeling better now, mostly by forcing myself to mentally shut the fuck up and sleep. I know that if I let the "in bed but not sleeping" go on for long enough, it will fuck up my brain chemistry bad enough so that I have to get meds to sort it out, and I can't afford to have to do that. It's cheaper to tell myself to shut the fuck up. I have health insurance, but we may be looking to get new insurance this year, and if I have a recent prescription for depression medication, they'll stick a damn waiver for mental issues on any new policy. It is a jacked-up cycle that many of us are stuck in -- we avoid going to the doctor so that we can afford to have heath insurance so that we can afford to go to the doctor. It's an evil roundabout, and I don't know that there is a way off of it.
Money-wise, we're not broke; we're just limping along in that scary "not broke, but not comfortable either" state supported by occasional stock sales. I will personally be oh-so-grateful if Mr. Julian Effing Day will get off his ass and get RadioShite stock up to 30 again so that I can sell at LESS of a fucking loss and finally be done with that sack-of-shit company.
Client-wise, we have good relationships with several clients, but we are still in search of people that want regular work every week, instead of periodically every month or three. With one exception, I enjoy working for all of our clients, so I have that to be grateful for, but I'm spending a lot of time out of the house networking and busting my ass hoping to get work without looking like I need work. The one client in question is one of our earliest clients that is playing passive-aggressive games centered around not paying their fucking bill. I expect these games to continue right up until the day that we act on the clause in the contract that lets us take their site down for nonpayment, at which point there will be a great deal of yelling. That should be fun. Perhaps I'll bake a cake and call it "CrazyAssPissedOffDeadbetClient Day". Something chocolate would be nice.
Networking is finally paying off, as I have two potential clients that will be recurring and who could want up to 20-30 hours per week. That would just be lovely. Right now, my best regular client is one that needs less than 20 hours a month. I'm getting assorted small jobs, but the problem with small jobs is that when they're done, I have to get more small jobs. The networking is leading to quite a few good referrals, and I have two networking partners that are so on my Yule card list this year. Fact is, together they're responsible for most of my referrals, and nearly all of the work that I have done or scheduled is from a referral through a networking partner.
This sounds like I should be thrilled. I can see the potential for regular work, things are looking up, etc, etc. Problem is, I am a cynic at heart -- I figure that the universe in its infinite cruelty lets get close enough to see what I want so that it is that much worse when I lose it. Yes, I know that's bleak. Depression sucks. My point.
Outside of this blog, my story has been "it's rough, but I'm ok." That's probably why I haven't blogged for three months; I can't blog bullshit, and I didn't want to discuss why I feel bad. I have friends who read this who will worry or wonder why I didn't talk about it to them. It's really simple. When I'm depressed, I cocoon. I pull away from people and don't talk about what's bothering me because talking about what I'm worried about gives it shape and form and scares the everliving crap out of me. I probably still won't talk about it to people, because focusing on it makes it a bigger problem than it is. For reference, if I go three months without blogging, I'm either physically unable to blog or I'm depressed. For additional reference, if asked "Are you depressed?" while I am, I will probably lie. Depression hurts, but talking about it to people while I'm depressed is excruciating. I do realize that this makes living with me annoying as hell (sorry, hubby) and aggravates the hell out of my friends as well.
I am sorry. I do the best that I can, and I apologize when I realize that I fucked up. I try to realize my own fuckups early on, but my ego has a way of blocking my vision sometimes. I'm not perfect, and I need to accept that and just try to do better. This is easier said than done, as I have raised beating myself up for not being perfect to an art form. It's not a healthy art form and it's certainly something I need to stop, but it is something I'm very good at. That said, if I have to accept that I'm not perfect, then I have to believe that other people are going to accept it too. Part of my whole "I must not eff it up" mindset comes from not wanting to disappoint people.
Hubby came in when I was typing and noticed that I was writing in my blog. I had originally intended on writing to get this out of my head and then deleting it so that I didn't worry him and/or upset friends. But I don't think I will. I'm going to bet that my husband would worry more if I deleted it and that my friends are more forgiving of me that I am of myself.
If I'm wrong, please keep it to yourself. This is the most optimistic that I've been in a while.
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Posted by geekmom on Saturday, March 22 @ 11:23:10 CDT (256 reads)
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Still here...
Hey, I'm still here. Yah, it's been two months since my last post.
I have been incredibly busy with work and have been punting the blog in favor of sleep and the Kingdom of Loathing. No excuses; I just needed a break.
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Posted by geekmom on Saturday, December 15 @ 03:32:30 CST (214 reads)
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DPS = Dipwad Pus-headed Shit
We have a financial advisor now, and when we were in doing some paperwork, he pointed out that my driver's license had expired last month. So, on the way home, I stopped and paid $24 dollars to get a new license. While in line, I chatted with the nice lady behind me (because I was bored, and because I like to talk).
Today, I got my new license. Hubby opened it and started laughing. Hysterically. For the record, this is never a good sign.
Figuring either that they had really botched my photo or that he was yanking my chain, I went to see. The new license had all of my information (including the license number) correct, but it was the picture (and signature!) of the nice lady who was behind me! For the record, I am a middle-aged white chick, not a 20-something Asian (although that is now what my license shows).
A quick call to the DPS that I dealt with resulted in a female who informed me that I would need to come down to the DPS and show the new license for a change fee and get a new picture taken. One brief snit-fit later, she backed up and confirmed that actually, no, there will not be a fee, due to the fact that this is their fuckup.
The DPS is setup to use a single signature pad between two camera stations; apparently, there was a glitch that attached the wrong information to the license number. According to my local DPS, this is somehow Austin's fault.
I then called the number for Driver's License Information on the sheet (512-424-2600). I got a busy signal. Three times. Apparently, despite yanking $24 out of each of our wallets to get a new license, the state DPS can't afford an actual voice mail or routing system, or even a cheap-ass RadioShite answering machine!
Fuck. So now I have to go back to the DPS and do this again and hope that they don't mess up again.
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Posted by geekmom on Thursday, October 11 @ 05:47:16 CDT (260 reads)
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Why I needed my whirlpool bath...
We have two dogs. Smokey is an 18-month-old, 15-pound terrier/schnauzer mix, and C.C. is a 5-month-old, 5-pound Boston terrier/peekapoo mix. The two of them get along swimmingly, aside from one instance of C.C. annoying the crap out of Smokey and getting her ear nipped. They wrestle a lot but aside from the one ear nipping, there hasn't been any other bloodshed or any need to separate them.... until today.
NOTE: This has a happy ending; no major injuries to any party!!!
I was sitting at my computer working when I heard one of the dogs screaming from the living room. I barrelled into see who was doing what to whom, and Smokey had her mouth locked to C.C.'s neck. I screamed at them both, but they kept thrashing. I then screamed to hubby for help and got down to pin Smokey (her being the larger dog). While I was trying to separate them (in a fairly panicked state), I realized that there was blood on both dogs and Smokey didn't seem to be growling as much as whining.
Once I got them pinned, I realized that Smokey had C.C.'s collar wrapped around her front lower right fang. The blood seemed to be coming from Smokey's mouth, but C.C. was getting strangled! Hubby was already there and trying to pull them apart, and I yelled to him that the collar was caught and to go get the scissors while I held them still. It took him maybe 10 seconds to get to the kitchen, grab the kitchen shears and get back, but holding two thrashing dogs, one of them who was having obvious trouble breathing... it seemed like forever.
Once he got back, we held the dogs down and he cut C.C.'s collar off. C.C. and Smokey jumped apart, and hubby and I each grabbed a dog. I checked on C.C., who was badly shaken. She had a severe rope burn on her neck, but she didn't show any other signs of problems. Hubby checked on Smokey, and the blood had come from her gums, which had been cut and rubbed by the collar. The two dogs sniffed and licked each other, each making sure that the other was okay.
I got myself settled down and went to the kitchen to wash off the blood and bandage my hand where one of the dogs had clawed the crap out of me. After a few minutes, C.C. and Smokey were both acting normally, so I ran a tub of water to get them cleaned up and check for any other injuries. With C.C. clean, the neck burn looked even worse, so I tried calling the vet, but the vet had already left for the day. Since the two of them weren't behaving like they had been seriously hurt, we decided to take the "wait and see" approach.
With both dogs clean, I spent the day keeping an eye on them and putting antibiotic on C.C.'s neck. They both have been behaving normally since then, so it looks like a case of all's well that ends well, but holy fuck, I could do without that kind of scare!
While she can't wear it for a couple of days, C.C. now has a new collar. It's made of rolled leather, which is absolutely not going to get wrapped or caught like the last one (it was woven nylon). It cost more up front, but since the two dogs aren't likely to stop wrestling and playing any time soon, it's well worth the money.
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Posted by geekmom on Wednesday, September 19 @ 17:05:44 CDT (269 reads)
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Plans vs. Reality (and it's Reality for the win!)
I had such plans for this weekend...
- Pick up friends' dog for dogsitting.
- Take Dee out to play area or park.
- Clean the hell out of the house.
- Sort out handheld category issues.
- Enter all business cards into handheld.
- Find decent on-line task tracker for iGoogle.
- Cook pulled pork in slow cooker for bbq sandwiches.
Then, reality raised its ugly head. Friday night, Dee woke up and declared, "I need to throw up!" Not wanting to wash the bedding, I sprang into action and helped her to the bathroom. Well, most of the way to the bathroom -- she started to urp right in the doorway, then stopped and made it to the toilet where she proceeded to try to throw up everything that she ate for the past week. I called hubby to clean the floor while I handled Dee and got her out of her pajamas (which had taken hits during the "throwing up in the doorway" phase of things).
She threw up off and on for about 3 hours, finally settling down and going back to sleep around 2am. I, being the mommy, woke up every hour or so to check on her through the night.
The next day, she was tired (which I completely empathized with) and spent the day in bed. That evening (Saturday), she threw up a couple more times. We were giving her water and toast when she wanted to eat and keeping her from eating too much, but her tummy still wasn't happy.
Sunday morning, she seemed to be feeling better, and we went to Westside. She had lunch (more toast, I think), and spent the day playing with Mel, Smokey and CC. That evening, she threw up another couple of times. We gave her more water and checked her for fever and dehydration, but she was keeping water down long enough to hydrate and wasn't throwing up regularly enough to counteract that. She ran a little fever Sunday, but children's Tylenol knocked that out. By this time, however, her sleep cycle was shot to hell from sleeping during the day and being up at night leaning over the potty.
Monday, she kept down a bowl of rice, a pedialyte pop and a couple pieces of toast, along with glasses of water, so it seems that we may be over the worst of it. However, her sleep cycle is still hosed; it took until 10pm to get her to go to sleep tonight.
In a last-ditch attempt to clear my To-Do list, I sat in the rocking chair with my portfolio and business cards and entered information in my handheld while keeping Dee company. She whined for Daddy for a while, then fussed that she wasn't sleepy, and eventually realized that a) I wasn't letting her get up, b) I wasn't leaving, and c) Mommy doing data entry on her Treo is BORING. She went to sleep sometime after 10pm.
Surprisingly, other than the cleaning, I got done most of what I wanted to do, in spite of having to work in 30-minute increments.
The dog we were sitting, Mel, got along well with our two dogs, once CC got used to him. I brought Mel home through the back yard and let them play outside, and CC's initial response seemed to be "Holy shit, it's a big black MONSTER and it's going to EAT me!!" She yipped and ran away and just about CLIMBED me to get away from him at first. Later, she mellowed out, but she was still a little skittish. This is actually a good thing, because if she's skittish, she won't be playing the "annoy the crap out of the bigger dog" game that so drives Smokey mental.
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Posted by geekmom on Monday, September 03 @ 16:18:00 CDT (212 reads)
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Yay, Bricks don't burn!
Yesterday afternoon, we noticed that the house was getting warm. I put it down to "it's August" and figured it was just me; hubby actually looked at the internal temperature and discovered that it was 87° in the house.
When he went outside to check to see if the AC was actually running, he discovered two things:
Number one: the AC was, in fact, not running.
Number two: there was a really good reason why!
 
Yeah, that is black soot (i.e. the result of FIRE) going up the brickwork. The panel was closed when hubby went to check; the pix were taken while the repair guy was here to fix the problem.
After shutting down the breaker to the AC unit, we spent a hot and uncomfortable night with no AC -- fortunately, we have a couple of floor fans, but it still sucked.
We called the AC place that we dealt with last time and they had a guy out this afternoon. The problem is that the connectors on the box in the second photo (which fits into the big Dbox in the first photo) have a tendency to get spread apart, don't make good contact and then short out. Ours shorted out to the point of completely melting the top left connector and surrounding plastic and smoking the crap out of the Dbox and surrounding brickwork.
Fortunately, the box is mounted on brickwork, as I fear what could have happened had this been mounted on wood. Also fortunately, the AC unit itself was unaffected and it cost less than $150 to have the guy replace the transformer. Right now, we have a slowly-cooling house with the prospect of comfortable conditions in time for bed.
Unfortunately, I now have yet another worry to wake me up in the middle of the night ...
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Posted by geekmom on Tuesday, August 28 @ 08:31:08 CDT (226 reads)
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